The ultimate goal of parenting

The ultimate goal of parenting is to make ourselves (parents) redundant from child’s life’. When I heard this advice during a parenting session, I was left amazed. Wow! What a statement!! And it was contrary to what I have seen parenting done in Indian culture.

The more I thought about it, I became more intrigued. We are told minimum household tasks before marriage. We are considered ‘children’ until we are married.

As I moved to another country, I observed how the school system worked here. The aim of the school is to make child/ren self dependant. The school encouraged kids to do their own tasks depending on their age. The more I tried to reason it out, the more loved the idea of independence of kids regarding their chores/tasks.

However, we do not tell our kid/s household jobs for various reasons listed below:

  • Kid/s are too little
  • Because of kid/s gender
  • We have household help/maids
  • Kid/s take more time to complete tasks
  • Over pampering/ being overprotective by family members (specially grandparents)

Effects of non assignment of household tasks  to kid/s are as follows:

  • This does not help kid/s to become a well developed adult/s
  • Kid/s may not value hard work of parents/ adults around them
  • Kid/s do not become resilient
  • They become dependent on others

But, as informed adults, we can change this scenario and be a catalyst in our child/rens’ life for their better and independent future. We need to make our kid/s understand their role in household tasks.

We can do so by:

  • Start assigning kid/s tasks at an early age
  • Assign age appropriate tasks as per their age. Eg.  4 yr old – can be told to pack away their toys; 5 yr old – putting their school stuff on place; 6 yr old – keeping dishes in sink
  • In case there is house help: ask kids to at least keep their plates in sink; soiled clothes in laundry basket
  • Be gender neutral in assigning household tasks

This timely assignment of household tasks to kid/s will help them in their future when they leave home. It will instil life skills in them. The best outcome of this will be Self belief in child/ren to face life independently.

Do mention other ideas/steps which can be taken relating to assign of tasks to kid/s.

Shilpa Naik (c) 2018


One thought on “The ultimate goal of parenting

  1. Hi Shilpa,

    Thought provoking writeup!!!

    You are right…. parents do believe that providing best possible comfort to kids is their utmost responsibility. However, we don’t realise that we are making our children dependent rather than self reliant.

    I agree with you that little pinch of hardwork in childhood is the best lesson to handle great responsibilities of future.


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